Master Cleanse: Day 1

I want a taco. I want a pierogi. I want a bacon egg and cheese on a greasy roll. I want maduros. I want quinoa salad. I want a bowl of hearty chili.

Why the hell am I doing this again??

The last two times I did this I swore after each time that I would never dare expose my self to such psychotrauma and torture. So why am I here again craving all sorts of sexy edibles, depriving my soul of nutritious meals?

Well, I felt like it was high time, perfect time as far as resolutions go, for a refreshing of my diet. Again, I don’t necessarily eat unhealthy, that’s if you don’t count the copious amounts of maduros and nutella/banana/strawberry crepes I consume on a weekly basis. Put that aside and I stick to a pretty basic diet of eggs and some kind of toast for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and a meat with rice and veggies dish for dinner. Oh, I guess you should include the limitless supply of chocolate bars and brownies and pies I eat without fail too. The sugar definitely adds on some blubber that seems to grow by the day not to mention the guilt I feel after helping myself to extra large rations that’s just plain unhealthy.

So it was time. And, I figured I have to try kicking the smoking habit out the curb too since if I’m doing this it defeats the whole purpose if smoking, and if I try to quit smoking without the cleanse I’ll just compulsively eat like a starved maniac.

Day 1 started off early at 6am, the time I used to wake up before Angel spent the nights here and I wasn’t encouraged to stick around and snuggle (or sleep for an extra hour or two). The new year brought new goals to wake up at 6 again and go through my morning routine of yoga, reading, and breakfast. The latter was obviously out of the question but I did my salutations and felt pretty damn sleepy so took a mini nap for 15 minutes. That might have fucked me over for I was pretty tired for the remainder of the day. The first cup of lemonade was a jolt to my system and briefly energized me. The faint familiarity of its sweet sour spicy taste was both welcoming and repulsive and by the 6th cup the buds were careless. I went about my day as usual, working in a gourmet food store/organic bodega, surrounded by all kinds of food. I was tempted but not deterred although I couldn’t help think I must be one masochistic moron for doing this here.

After work Jen and I checked out Good Yoga, a cozy studio in Greenpoint, and took what ended up being an excruciatingly slow beginners course. It honestly made me grouchy by the end. By the time I got home I was pretty tired and I still am and expect to pass out any minute.

The most painful and undeniable experience when on this cleanse is the heinous obligation to drink 4 cups of salt water in the morning. That shit is rotten. I hate it. It’s so fucking gross. I drink it with a straw and shove it down my throat as quickly as possible. 10 minutes later I run to the bathroom. Bowel movements are also an undeniable calling when on this cleanse.

The first couple days are the hardest, I know. I’ve already been tempted to give up and just eat a goddamn piece of steak with broccoli or something. But no, I’ll cooperate and behave the way I’m supposed to and trek along on this pitiful journey.

1 Comment

Filed under Food

One response to “Master Cleanse: Day 1

  1. I love your description. I have done 2 juice cleanses and the first one went perfectly. Of course the first and second day I did nothing but fantasize about food but by the third day I was over it and on to feeling kind of good. By the fourth day, I started having crazy amounts of energy. This lasted into the fifth day and on that evening I broke my fast with a small meal at my friend’s wedding, even though I wasn’t hungry. But honestly, the energy I had on that fourth day was SCARY, I was so energetic I felt like I could run a marathon.

    The second one I did was not as successful. By the third day I was getting light headed and my food cravings had not subsided, so I called it quits. I hope I can try it again in a few months and it will go as well as the first time! xoxo Can’t wait for the next update!

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