January hasn’t been as cleansing, productive, or transformative as I had hoped. The problem is that I expected to do all these THINGS, like going on a crazy cleanse for the 3rd time while quitting smoking, then eating healthier after, blogging everyday, yoga-ing every other day, swing dancing, diary-ing everyday, and partying a whole lot more. Well, things went seriously awry and I feel just as anxious and overwhelmed as I did pre-disillusioned-New-Year. I’m smoking more, I’m eating more, I’m not cooking as much as I should, and I’ve developed a new phobia: Apocalyptic Floods.
Wanna know how that happened? I was making fun of our wedding day being on judgement day and read into some of those psycho-websites predicting the second coming of Jesus, some New Yorker cartoon about Noah’s ark, a video collage of a tsunami with computers and construction cones washed up to shore, an article about California about to expect a “superstorm” and the snowpocalypse we’ve been experiencing here all jumbled together made for one frantic crazy little Joann.
I’ve been trying and trying to shut the fuck up and “stay present”, “mindful and compassionate”, “letting go of factors I cannot control and accepting inevitable changes”. For the most part I’m getting by but knowing we’re about to be hit with another crazy snowstorm sends panic prickles down my spine. It’s so useless and I’m so sick of it but I think eventually I’ll just have to accept the fact that I’m a little nuts and embrace that because whether or not you want to admit it, you LOVE it. Ha.
So I’ve been looking into the healthy recipes over at Bon Appetit’s Food Lover’s Cleanse regimen and found this recipe with salmon. The picture you find there and my end product look nothing alike. BA’s salmon looks like it’s been doused in yellow spray paint. I accompanied the fillet with brown jasmine rice and the best way I learned to eat this is to simply break up the salmon and mush it into the rice and it immediately becomes a homey, simple, deliciously savory and flavorful meal. I also realized fish skin makes me want to barf and I absolutely love watching whole mustard seeds pop. They’re like those jumping beans from childhood. Whatever happened to those?