Three years ago I started updownacross as a lame attempt to document my life and inconsequential experiences. I’ve posted about dishes I’ve cooked, art shows I’ve seen, quotes I’ve read, and events I’ve produced. Content was never quite consistent or enticing enough to breed an army of followers but I’ve also yet to dedicate a significant amount of time and dedication to the blog.
Hopefully, this is changing now.
I’ve experienced quite the personal challenge over the last few months. Between quitting my job, moving in with Angel, getting married, producing a huge art festival, and starting a new job, it’s incited enough destabilizing forces to keep me undulating in shaky grounds for quite some time now. As Angel and I started spending more time together whilst dating I felt time gracefully slipping away from my fingertips, feeding a whole new life and relationship that’s led to where we are now as a married couple. The downside of this on top of everything else that was happening in my life was a sudden crash of self-confidence, perseverance, focus, determination, courage, and umph to continue to pursue the myriad self-started projects I’ve launched over the last couple years. The transition from making a shitload of money to being unemployed blew a significant chunk of ego and self-worth out of my system, and the never-ending list of goals, wants, and to-do’s led me to spin and cry in an overwhelming labyrinth of information overload.
Reading this New York Times article about white collar cubicle humpers dropping their cushy jobs to become entrepreneurial bakers and boutique owners made me a bit sick as these folks seem to have been duped into thinking going off on your own was an easy task. Yea, I’ll start a pilates studios, meditate on peace all day and have weekends off to play with my friends and my money. Really?? Clearly these folks are unconvinced, lazy, and their realities are completely warped.
I’ve never not “worked”. The crux of this is always deeming something that has the potential for fun and non-work is deemed as something that “needs to be done”, hence “work”. I need to cook this dish for dinner, photograph it, then blog about it. I need to flip through this pile of magazines and weed out whatever info I want to save and archive, I need to check out these museums and write about it. I need to keep up on twitter and all the links and announcements and sites people are referring to. I need to stay up to date with what going on in the food world, the art world, and now the tech world. I am completely overwhelmed and don’t know how to stay afloat. I get caught up in trying to stay present with emails and websites that I rarely get the opportunity to actually DO shit like write a thoughtful blog post or produce something other than an email or a Reader post. It gets in the way of producing ideas and creating action steps to execute, turning the idea into a viable project and ultimately a product of my own making.
I’ve always been a self-starter. I’ve been called bossy, bitchy, type A moron. I’ve mislead a team and made many mistakes offering my time and labor just because I believe in the project and have a hard time putting monetary value into my skillset and experience.
Hopefully, that stops here.
Design Sponge responds to the article by providing some tips on de-stressing: meditate, write in your journal, prioritize your goals, and do shit just one at a fucking time. I suggest letting go of your ego and accepting the fact that you really can’t do everything, you’re not all that important, it’s perfectly ok to not be liked, +1’d, retweeted, and shared. Put aside the spastic thoughts I have to do this and this and this and this, shut your trap and relish in slowing down time and doing things one precious task at a time. At a time when I am CONSTANTLY overwhelmed, unfocused and discouraged I need the comfort knowing I can do just this.