It happened. It’s over. Greenpoint Open Studios is Done and Done. Whew.
I must confess, organizing GOS completely stretched me thin and tore me apart this year, despite having had the help of three amazingly talented ladies. Having spent the last 2 months doing absolutely nothing but fielding a gazillion emails and tending to all the needs of a brochure, website, events, and the artists themselves, I was completely consumed by this weekend feat and experienced not too few breakdowns at my wit’s end. Having been the challenge that it was, and after spending the last year organizing a whole bunch of random events, I now VOW to not to organize a SINGLE event until next fall. I will do WHATEVER it takes to resist the temptation to help this that and the other person organize this that and the other event. I will do WHATEVER it takes to not give into ideas for potentially kickass parties or benefits or happenings.
Not to say in the least bit that I am not grateful. I am currently exactly where I wanted to be my entire life. For those curious as to know why and how I am able to cull people together and make happenings happen, it’s all a result of having grown up a pathetic insecure unaccepted little Asian girl. Having been cursed as the “1.5 generation” amongst immigrants and it’s researchers, I was born in Korea but grew up here. I am neither Korean nor American. On a more deeper and abstracted level I have always reflected this kind of ambivalent sentiment where in the end I felt I never belonged anywhere, no particular clique, no particular team, no particular religion, no particular group. Having secretly self-deprecatingly pitied myself for years while growing up complaining that I was never welcome anywhere and was not part of any particular community, this sentiment sprouted a need to fuck it all and create my own goddamn community and environment where I can swim and blather and contort with absolute freedom and content.
Now digging out of all that deep heartfelt bullshit is my mentioning HOW I was able to organize these events. I have the natural ability to anally compulsively administrate and organize data. First of all, I am Asian. and I am a girl. Asian girls have the instinctual habit of organizing stuff. Think all the cute little stationary stuff and combine that with a culture obsessed with perfection, competition, and OCD cleanliness. Not to mention I’ve always wanted to be a teacher and spent plenty hours alone playing “school” and organizing my desk the way a teacher would organize her desk with stamps and post its and jars of pencils and papers and folders. Also, my entire educational and work experience relies on organizing data and being the administrative guru that everyone expected out of a receptionist, assistant, bookeeper, and teacher.
Long story short, feeling pathetically out of place plus being of a rather administratively savvy sort equals the urge and need to create events, but more importantly, to create communities that I can be apart of and control and help others not feel the way I did. That’s all what drove things like Greenpoint Food Market and Greenpoint Open Studios, the need to create a community or a platform where there wasn’t any.
Then there is the obsession with documenting my experiences which turns into a passion for writing. Not fiction or political analysis or literary criticism. No matter what the topic may be, my first and foremost interest lie in writing ABOUT things; writing ABOUT that artist, that beekeeper, that art show, that restaurant, that party, any visually physically emotionally socially consumable entity is of deep interest and I want to consume it and spit it out in words. Hence the blog, the freelance writing, the babbling.
And having spent the last few months NOT writing for anyone or anything I feel completely at a loss and I swear to god my panic disorder has returned. And even after wiping out any events to organize there is still so much shit to do. There are the piles of magazines that are yet to be read, there are the piles of books that are yet to be red, there’s a pile of random shit on my desk that must be sifted through, there are all the gallery shows and studio visits that need to be made, there is all this culture that needs to be consumed so that I can write ABOUT it. Shizer where the hell do I start?!
Well, I’m excited for the prospect of spending evenings alone on my desk typing away, sitting on my couch reading random stuff, wandering and exploring the city and its many endless to dos, and work on self-development once again. And by default, luckily, everything I do can be shared by others and hopefully can benefit others, whether by form of pure entertainment, information, what have you. In the end I think it all comes down to sharing.