Monthly Archives: April 2010

An Ode to Calle 13

The first time I heard Calle 13 was in a car with an Angel on our weekend escape to Rosendale, NY. The song was Sin Exagerar and I was instantly intrigued by its sound. It was an appetizing mix of crisp and creamy flow of Latin rap, playful and dramatic accentuation of words (which to me are just a progression of sounds), and a rhythm that is both festive and mysterious. Mysterious might be too strong a word. Mysteriously sexy might be a truer description. The electronic drum sound that repeats from chorus to chorus immediately got my hips to sway and wet my pants a little. The upbeats made with repetitive pounds of a piano chord was supported by staccato bursts of trumpets. Combine all these elements and you’ve got a sampling of the magic and genius that is Calle 13.

In subsequent days and weeks an Angel showed me music videos that this duo produced and my bedazzled eyes and enchanted hips were in love. Actually I soon became obsessed. Four days ago I downloaded all three albums created by these messengers of a higher power and they have not left my ears alone for a single moment. Another example of their pure brilliance is the song La Jirafa. I am completely enraptured by both video and song:

Bass drum beats have always intoxicated me. Add on the ever nostalgic accordion, a string orchestra, and the chorus chanting “ella eeeee” with the dreamy lyricism of Residente’s raps and what results is the glorified song of the year (the song is actually a few years old, but it’s #1 in Joann’s 2010 list). I printed out the lyrics in determination to memorize and lipsync the song and used my friend Google Translate to figure out what he was saying. It made no sense. It was a pure play of words and rhymes. Something about planting your feet on the ground, painting the sky with blue crayon, looking at you giving me tickles like ants on my skin, stirring the dough and wanting four cups, the fate of coughing colors and your name on all three scorecards, nutella, and acapella. Unless I’m completely misinterpreting, mistranslating, this is evidence of dadaist experimentation, a chance encounter between words that rhyme, coming together to paint a nonsensical yet beautiful picture. The music video includes inexplicably random images of a birdman, musicians in red adidas sportsgear, and a rapper as ventriloquist. He draws a landscape, dilly dallies with a girl in a makeshift shack in the middle of a desert and watch as the musicians and birdman duel at dusk. For me, this song is magic in its true essence.

Calle 13 is comprised of two step brothers, frontman rapper Rene “Residente” Perez and shy and reserved beatmaker Eduardo Jose Cabra “Visitante” Martinez. I am infatuated with Residente. There are stars in my eyes as I gaze at his face, his wide sexy mouth that curl at one end as his serenades ever graceful verbal leaps, his childish and playful face and its spastic wide-eyed expressions, his perfectly round and fuzzy head exquisitely designed with lines and shapes, his studded and tattooed torso and arms which he willingly shows off at any given moment, and his perfectly exaggerated gesticulations during performances, movements in perfect harmony with mouth spurts. I want to have his baby. Unfortunately I am no match to his wife, the ever beautiful Miss Universe. Visitante is none the less intriguing. A hipster alternative to the hip hop latin cheese, Visitante flaunts arm tattooes of flowers and is a talented multi-instrumentalist. He is influenced by music the whole world over and is bearded and braided. His timidity shines reserved intelligence and I would be honored to be greeted by his conversations. Fantasies of Residente in bed, fantasies of Visitante in a cafe.

Ahem, OK, back to the music. Listening to all three albums, there is not one song or message or video that is alike. Flamenco, Bossa Nova, Reggaeton, Hip Hop, R&B, electronica, world fusion, even alternative rock, it’s all there. Messages range from political independence and rebellion, cultural pop mockery, perverted lovemance, and senseless satirical comedy. It is no surprise to me that Residente attended Savanna College and received an MFA in illustration and design. It makes perfect sense to me actually and is probably why I am CONVINCED the band epitomizes perfection. Each video presented differs from one to the other, costumed and concocted with visual artistry. Allow me to exemplify:

You’ve already seen La Jirafa and it’s calm and dreamy eccentricity, above is the video for Atrevete te te. Creepy 50’s American Dreamy stepford wife zombies shaking their booties as the newspaper delivery boy preaching to these lame-os to be free to express, to kill, to admit, to let go and let wild. More than anything it’s the incessant rhyming that tells me Residente is a pure poet.

Suave starts with Residente in some twilight zone scene, being injected with a huge needle by a midget blonde which takes him on a joy ride inside an old school 70’s convertible and he then progresses to naive foreplay with two girls the latter of which is chased by a giant version of the midget blonde. O and then there’s the scene with him half naked, sweaty with a dirty apron, swoon. I think the song itself is probably perverted. Google translate makes it all so dada, something about pure strain subjected to arepa, i know you like my elephant coughs, you and I will pocket disbursement, drunk bear with your broth, take off his lock on your slit, salsa kicks and sweaty soy sauce, sex destroyers and Marlborough cowboys. Trippy.

Cumbia de los Aburridos depicts a version of American Idol held inside a poor rural town’s gymnasium with all the losers and bored pathetics gathered in a dance competition. Dudes in neon leotards, fatties in tutus, granny milfs in ballet gear, and over energized breakdancers, moderated by Residente as cowboy attired obnoxious judge. Lyrics are hysterical, and again, so dada. Something about peacock as pilgrims, the feet of boring and depressed in motion, those who smell like old man piss, sneeze shakes and breakfast throw ups, dancing with shadows and teaching fried food, asthma attacks and raw steak. Goddamit I can’t get enough.

Electro Movimiento may not be my favorite song by Calle 13 but it’s probably my favorite music video of all time. Harking back to the 80’s, the song and video is an ode to the time of fluorescence, glitter, foglights and clashing patterns. It’s a love song of how much they are a match, how they match like bread and butter, rice and beans. He’ll do whatever for her, fight 300 ninjas from Korea and fish 500 dolphins across the Andes in skates. This video alone confirms that the band is not your everyday reggaeton hip hop band, at all whatsoever. They are kind of fucking awesome.

Beso de Desayuno gets me a little wet because there are sexy women and food mingled together. Bossa nova melodies blanket this love song about walking on your hair, from navel to ear and a kiss for breakfast. I will have your kiss over breakfast any day my love.

La Perla is a dedication to La Perla, a barrio governed by drug dealers and super exclusive and protective to its residents. In collaboration with salsa guru Ruben Blades, the song is celebratory and prophetic.

And this is where Calle 13 gets controversial. Early in their music career, you see Residente at his most raw and impassioned, crying out hours after the death of Filiberto Ojeda Rios, leader of the PR Revolutionary group Los Macheteros, who was killed during an FBI arrest. As a supporter of PR Independence Movement from US colonization, this song is a protest against FBI’s actions. This is kind of the first time reggaeton pulls a political stint, resulting in Calle 13’s fame as a representative voice and cultural reference.

Since then Calle 13 has won numerous Latin Grammys and are making their way to US fame. Their controversy is talked about all over the place. They played at Coachella this year and received welcomed success. Diplo hung out with them and loved them.  Oh and did I mention, they have a fucking documentary movie about their travels to Latin America, exploring its people and culture, in conjunction with the concerts they hosted. AND, Residente is totally on twitter. Please read this post, come to NY and kiss this frog so I may transform into a beautiful Latin princess and replace that Miss Universe as your lucky love.

OK, I think I’ve digressed into a very very very long post about Calle 13. This is mere proof that they are an amazing band. Their message is clear, their talent is true, and the gods are in no comparison to their art.



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Mark Your Calendar: April 30 – May 7

Ranting time! Soooooo, I’ve been very distracted and scatterbrained lately. I can’t seem to focus on any one thing for more than, ehh, 5 minutes or so before jumping on to the next best thing. The last couple weeks I’ve spent plenty of time outside the house, away from the computer, away from my kitchen, away from everything. There is this growing urge to go against all plans, to drop it and fuck it all, and to roam and wander ever so aimlessly through the streets of lower east side. I’m convinced I want and need constant change, but how can I change more when already my life is so spastic and misdirected every single day??? I think there is a bigger issue here and I’m trying to figure out what it is. I am content with my existence and place in life more than ever, I know what I want, I know how to get it, and I execute that want into tangible experiences. I love and am loved by others and give and receive unconditional support to an amazing community of creative kickass individuals. I have a job that pays the bills. I have an apartment of my own and live with the most fucking adorable dog in the entire universe. I’m infatuated with a gentleman that is for the first time in a long time totally worth every ounce of my affection and I have to put a restraint order to keep from suffocating the man. Promising, aspiring, inspiring opportunities pop up at every corner on any given day and I jump on it like a hungry wild cat, contributing to the development of a self within a community. So what the hell is wrong with me? Perhaps it’s that time of the month. Perhaps I’m just in a slight rut and I need to shit it all out. Perhaps it’s writers block, a disease that my entire body and brain has contracted, keeping me from writing thoughtful pieces about art, food, life, etceteras. Whatever it is I need to snap the fuck out of it because there is a whole lot of shit that need to get done! So this rant is more for me than for you, a self-affirmation to take ownership over my actions, to be underwhelmed by the overwhelming flood of information that drown me everyday, to utilize each minute of each day to my benefit and to quit sulking like a miserable soiled child.

Here’s are some things in my calendar for the weekend and beyond.


I swear churches are the new hang out spots. They’re the perfect space to host performances, exhibitions, food markets, dance parties, and other forms of pure debauchery. The Convent of St. Cecilia in Greenpoint have recently opened their creepy abandoned doors to a slew of art exhibitions and there is one opening tonight titled Hell, No!

30 artists present works reflecting self-sufficiency, retort, and non business like artistic exchange. Riffing off Rondinone’s Hell, Yes! signage at New Museum, this exhibition is a “celebration and a warning: a celebration of artists working today, desperate to create despite the diminishing art market, and a warning not to give in: to say (to whomever) HELL, NO!. HELL, NO!”

Full details on opening and exhibition here.

There are other things happening tonight which I’ve added to last week’s Mark Your Calendar.


– In case you happen to be upstate in a beautiful town called Rosendale, check out the opening at Roos Arts. Mark, Paper, Scissors presents works by a handful of artists manipulating paper in the most sexiest way possible.

– Brooklyn Lyceum’s Spring Food and Craft Market is FINALLY here!! Food, art, crafts, workshops galore to be found all weekend. I’ll be there Sunday representing the food market handing out postcards and selling some totes. Come by and keep me company.

– Learn to make your own beer and drink it too at Diamond Bar’s homebrew demo. Bring your dog and food to grill.


– I still don’t quite understand who P-orridge is other than she used to be he after a few body alterations were made to resemble his late wife. She’s having a garage sale at Famous Accountants in Bushwick and apparently it’ll be like the one Martha Rosler put together.

– Amanda Browder’s awesome public art project Future Phenomena is coming closer and closer to completion. There is one final sewing day Saturday at Trinity Project where folks can donate fabric, sew some together, and finish off this giant swath of fabric to be blanketed atop an entire building in Greenpoint. Come out and make your fingers busy.

– I keep forgetting Lamb & Jaffy exists. However Crab & Hammer will make sure I never forget again. There’ll be boiled blue crabs, grilled asparagus, crab broth sweet potatoes, and grilled corn. I’m hungry.

– I’m a bit indifferent to Shepard Fairey, always have been, but I will admit to high levels of curiosity in presenting a new body of work, indoors, at Deitch Projects. It will also be the gallery’s last exhibition before closing. The high curiosity has more to do with the afterparty, which the ladies at MeanRed is throwing together at 88 Palace, an old dumpling restaurant in Chinatown. Obey Giant will be there shootin’ some tunes. Tix are a bit high but I’m sure it’ll be entertaining, amusing, intoxicating.


– One of my favoritest gallery in Williamsburg South First is having an opening with a BBQ on Sunday, featuring works by Spero Plagianos and Ellen Takata. I have no idea who these artists are and what their works are like but I love the gallery, the owners, and BBQs so I’m excited, naturally.

InContext Tours is a two person run artist studio tour group and they come off quite official, only in that they charge $75 for a tour. Hopefully a big chunk of that goes to the artists. Sunday they are having a Greenpoint-centric studio tour with two of my favorite artists Amanda Browder (mentioned earlier) and Emily Noelle Lambert (shown above).


Ghastly City Sleep is one of the best bands to come out of Greenpoint and they’re playing Monday at Glasslands.


Yeasayer at Webster Hall. I’m pretty stoked about this one.


– Papacitos celebrates Cinco de Mayo with food, backyard, drink specials, and music. I’m most excited about live mariachi bands.


Our gallery is very proud to present Now Through a Glass Darkly, an exhibition about mirrors and all its crazy ways. Stingle, Warhol, and more.

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Mark Your Calender: April 23 – 30

I’ve been dutifully overwhelmed lately between an endless array of amazing events to organize and itching to experience spring and checking out all the awesome shows happening around town. Not to mention all the things I want to do to my apartment still to make it my own. The list never ends and I’m ready to lose my shit over it. But that’s just silly isn’t it? To lose your shit over wanting to do so many awesome things and realizing you just don’t have the time to do it all? I’ll just go ahead and add an extra 24 hours to a day so I can do THAT MUCH MORE. There.

Well some awesome invitations and notices have come thru the inbox and I kind of have to share it all:

Tonight is the opening party for the second edition of Homemade: Brooklyn, co-organized by The Shiny Squirrel and Sew Moni. There’ll be a week long series of events including a video screening, mail making, a trunk show, a perfume workshop, erotic fiction reading (I’m most excited about this one), and an art show of 5 artists with 5 pieces who are under 25. Each event has an invite of their own and it all takes place at 522 Metropolitan Ave. Check out the full schedule and details here.

Artist and friend Amanda Browder is a correspondent for the ever so wry artcast series Bad at Sports and she sent an invite for a panel discussion April 28th about painters and painting. Panelists include Dike Blair and Kamrooz Aram, two artists I admire. It will be moderated by artist and BAS correspondent Tom Sanford. More details here.

As Tribeca Film Festival rains down upon the city there are 2 films that I will fight my way thru to obtain rush tickets, most important being Micmacs. Same guy who made Amelie. And knowing how much I love Amelie, I just MUST watch Micmacs.

Metropia will be another winner for sure. I get to luckily see this tonight at a special screening. The cinematography alone looks amazing.

I only know one Burlesque extraordinaire and Gigi La Femme happens to be Miss Coney Island 2010. She is AMAZING, and a fellow Greenpointer as well, lucky us. Tonight and on April 30th, she’ll be starring in Wasabassco’s Coney Island Medicine Show. I don’t really know what that means except I am ready to be cured.

Like the Spice is currently showing works by artist Greg Haberny and their monthly dinner takes place tonight which is so special in that Fatty Cue and Fette Sau are having a cookoff at the gallery. This sounds like a meattastic adventure!! More details here.

Hester Street Fair launches this weekend and I am pretty excited to experience the foodstuffs. It’s also comforting to see folks are interested in relaunching the street market model, from New Amsterdam Market to opening a permanent market in Seaport and Hester Street. I wonder if there were any street markets that were open all day everyday in North Brooklyn…

Handmade Cavalcade is tomorrow, a pop up shop at Berry Park highlighting 25 Etsy crafters. I’m going to bet it’ll be packed with all sorts of cute knitware, bags, baby stuff, dolls, clothes, stationary and all that girly stuff. Can’t wait!

FEAST happens again tomorrow, I’ll be there eating grub provided by Marlow & Sons and voting for Trinity Project. And don’t forget to attend their fundariser on the 30th!

Rooftop Farms is installing three new hives and beekeeper Ross Conrad will be at the farm this Sunday at 2pm to speak. Learn some beehiving skills and don’t get stung!

I’ve been finding my release every Tuesday at No Lights No Lycra, a dancefest in the dark at Church of Messiah. next is on the 27th, it’s perpetually growing so get there before it turns into a moshpit in a couple weeks!

If there are any other awesome events happening from today thru the 30th, shout it out! I will try to do this Mark Your Calendar feature every Friday.

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Food Reader: April 22, 2010

All Cakes Considered: a cookbook by the host of, you guessed it, all things considered.

– Taking photographs of your food before you eat it can totally be an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. These 10 questions will help you determine if you’re a food photographing lunatic.

– Looking forward to checking out Red Hook Mercado next month.

Pineapple Korean Spicy BBQ Chicken Tacos. Holla!

Soba Noodles with grilled shrimp and cilantro. Yum.

Food Tattoos.

– Quinn fighting for a permanent market at Southstreet. That would be pretty amazing. What permanent markets exist now? Essex Street is all I can think of.

9 Sexy ingredients to make your baking spectacular.

Small kitchens.

17 incredible recipes for the slow cooker.

How to season a cast iron skillet.

10 ways to eat brinner.

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Reader: April 17, 2010

Greenpoint Food Market last Saturday was insane. It was the biggest crowd we’ve ever had, it most certainly got claustrophobic at one point and I couldn’t get myself to stand up from the comfy black leather couch placed at back of the church. Recap of what you missed here.

– Best Cooking Show, EVER.

– How vendors at Brooklyn Flea start off and launch their potential business.

Small and cool apartment contest.

– Trinity Project is an art community exchange program located at Most Holy Trinity Church in Brooklyn. They’ll have residencies, exhibitions, performances, and whatever else they can use up a beautiful space for. Volunteers have been cleaning up the space week after week and this fundraiser will help them build their program. Be there!

Crest Hardware Art Show returns !! Greenpoint Food Market will be at the outdoor opening festival at Macri Park on June 19th. Call to artists with application is available online now, sign up and make some hardware related art. This show, to be hosted by the hardware store run and curated by the one and only Joe Franquinha, is always a unique experience every year.

Williamsburg Walks returns, this year we will only have two days of car freeness on Bedford Ave, June 26 – 27th. They are hosting a brainstorming session April 21 to has out what you’d want to see and experience during those two days.

Bushwick Open Studios returns June 4 – 6. Register to participate now!!

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A Colicchian Dinner

A few weeks back my dearest Olivia sent me an unrefusable dinner invitation. It was for a dinner cooked by none other than Tom Colicchio at her sisters house in the upper west side. My eyeballs dropped upon reading this and packed my camera to attend the potentially life changing opportunity. In the coming days I fantasized about sharing my food stories with Colicchio and his becoming so engrossed and passionate in the local food scene in Brooklyn and egging him to open a spot in Greenpoint, run by me. I also imagined his falling head over heels with not me personally, but what I represent, and financially supporting every event and venture I take on. I am a girl of many daydreams.

So did it disappoint us when the man didn’t show up til after dinner was over, an orgasmically delicious meal cooked by Craft’s sous chefs? Yes. We pouted and mocked and made sure he’d feel awkward when he walked in the door. How did such an event come about in the first place? Well, Olivia won an auction item a few years back for a Witness benefit which involved Colicchio cooking a meal for you and yours in your home. That’s it.

The ultimate highlight of the evening, aside from Colicchio being really awkward in the beginning but eventually hangin’ with us young folk drinking and more, sharing stories between Top Chef and being a multi-restaurant owner, answering our twenty plus questions, was the food itself. It was glorious. Absolutely fantastically delicious. Every single bite was harmonious, flavorful, complimentary, savory, and sweet. Chris Parks and Melaine Firth were the chefs behind the meal, sous chef and line cook for one of many Colicchio restaurants. Here’s what I consumed:

Beet salad: pickled beets, tarragon, beet vinagrette, beet chips

Stinging Nettles Agnolotti with streusel and vincotta

Octopus braised with pickled jalapenos, shallots, fried speck, micro cilantro, and harissa creme freche

Bibb lettuce salad with smoked egg vinaigrette, red pickled shallots, red wine pickled hard boiled eggs

That was just starters. The main courses:

Cote de Beouf with Bordelaise Sauce

Pancetta wrapped monk fish with balsamic shallots

Hen of the Wood mushrooms with fine herbs

There was also brussel sprouts with smoked bacon and acorn squash with cane syrup and banyuls vinegar but I forgot to take pictures of it.

And now for dessert:

Pear Tartin

Coffee and Vanilla Ice Cream

Chocolate Tart

his highness

I was BEYOND full and gratified by the end of the evening. Colicchio left as awkwardly as he entered. Sure he was obligated to show face and I expected him to say his hellos, bid his greeting and jet out. But he hung out with us, shared his stories, drank his champagne and laughed heartily to our curiosities of hanging out with a celebrity chef. He left not quite knowing how or when, and bid us farewell without inviting us to his restaurant or house. I wanted to be invited to his restaurant or house, his treat.

Thank you Olivia for this belly filling experience, it was one the best meals I’ve ever tasted in my entire life.


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Reader: April 2, 2010

Wait What brings Notorious and the XX together, ridiculous. I saw them the other day at Webster Hall, and it was a pretty good show. The light affects made it that much more exciting. Plus the dude’s black short sleeve turtle neck, slicked back hair and double silver chains. Plus the fact that they both have heavy lisps. Otherwise it’s a fist pumpy as a droning zombie electro beat band can possibly get.

Where have all the vegans gone? Yes, meat has become the face of culinary social consciousness.

WANT this dress from newly opened Convent in LES.

– Going a bit too far with dirt tasting.

– Moby’s top five resto picks…Port Authority reigns supreme…Also, his Sunday routine.

– My dear Yaara directs another music video, Two Pretty Girls by Charisse.

5 steps to greener flying.

– Google launches bike map and directions. Awesome.

– No underwear subway ride. April Fools but still funny.

– Sweet mixtape of the month by Rollo & Grady.

– And another sweet mix from Ears of the Beholder.

– Toumani Diabate at Black Cab Sessions.

– Can’t wait to try some Fatty Cue.

Treadle water pumps in India gives opportunity for more crops.

– TV theme medley. He’s handsome.

Amanda’s chevron to blanket a home in Greenpoint.

Downtown BK will get an art lift for the sake of investment.

Young Me / Now Me photo contest. Hysterical, cute, heartfelt.

– The old Greenpoint Coffee Shop will be turned into Garden Spot with a backyard, to open June 1st. Can’t wait!

– A vet hospital in Greenpoint is a HUGE deal. Yay!

OMG. I want. I’m going to Brook General Store tomorrow!

– Williamsburg Art Gallery Map.

Ryan Britt will write a story a week, set in Brooklyn. Hopefully Greenpoint will be included in the mix!

30 days without sugar. I feel your pain hun, I feel your pain.

– Make your own animated gif and post on I am Not an Artist. Awesome. (via BK Embecile)

– All the President’s pens.

Behind the commandments: Moses’ Untold Story.

On being a female porn writer.

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